Dance Concert

I wrote this on Saturday night - but I was too tired to edit it then.

Saturday 6 November 2008

Day 11

Tonight my daughter had her annual dance concert. I love to watch this, but though it's become easier over the years, I still feel a fair bit of stress leading up to it. I enjoyed it a lot, but I feel more comfortable now that it's over.

I woke late, so I had breakfast late, then I wrote this.

Today I got up and organized my breakfast and started typing this, and told MrKaf that it was too soon to turn my egg off, and then after a while girlKaf said it was time to take her to dancing, so I got up and into the car, thinking, "Oh damn I didn't get the petrol last night," so all the way there I was a bit worried about the petrol and went straight to the petrol station afterward ... but the petrol wouldn't go in because MrKaf had already filled it. So I drove home and as I got out of the car I thought, "OMG the egg!" ... but he had already turned it off. So I went to him and said thanks and he smiled and wasn't cross with me. (I don't know how much longer he will be patient though.)

I don't think I have Alzheimers. I reckon I've always been like this. I explained it to someone today as congenital chronic vagueness. I'm just worse when I'm a bit stressed. Sometimes I can shrug it off. Sometimes it makes things hard for someone else and then I get quite anxious, and I that causes more trouble. Hopefully this patch will ease off now? Or at least, I might just work my way through it without getting too down on myself, and making things worse.

I ate the egg with some cherry tomatoes. Then I was pretty busy for a long time. I realized I needed to have lunch before I left for the shops, but I really didn't have time any more. However, I thought Sushi might be a good lunch I could buy while I was out. I looked up the calories before I left, ~ 270 for a 6 piece pack. I thought that would be ok. As I went to the bakery before I ate the sushi, I had a sample of something healthy - and also a sample of a fruit mince pie. That was so sweet that I made sure I ate the sushi straight afterwards to make sure I didn't spike my blood afterwards. I had an apple with me but I never got around to eating it.

By the time I got home, it was time to start helping my daughter get made up for the concert, and organizing an early dinner - so lunch and dinner were a bit close together. I had bought lean pork chops, which we had grilled, with boiled potato and some salad. I bought pickled ginger with my sushi but I didn't have time to eat it, so I put it on the salad. I think it might be a nice thing to add occasionally for a different tang - a bit like capers are. Then I didn't have time to eat all the salad, so I left half for when I got home from the concert. I had some grapes then too. I took some almonds and a banana with me, but after the odd timing during the afternoon, I didn't feel like it this time, even though I'd be grateful to eat them at intermission during the dress rehearsal on Monday.

Tonight was a bit odd for being a clear contrast with the last two years. Two years ago I weighed much what I do now and had just started my weight loss. I was very very careful with my food the whole day of the concert because it was a sort of interruption to my eating and I wasn't sure how to get it right. Last year, I was heaps thinner, but I had already started having problems eating well. I indulged in an icecream at the concert, and it turned out to be old with a stale cone - so then, I still wanted a good one. Also, I remember eating heaps of low calorie lollies while I was at the concert. It was a bit of a stressful day but I don't think that was why. The why should be a topic of its own though - presuming I can ever explain it. I feel a lot more comfortable about what I'm doing now. I feel like I'm eating well, but coping easily enough with changes to my routine, or with forgetting to do things in a way that exactly fits the programme. Also, I am not panicking if I end up being hungry for a little while. I try to avoid it, and I try to fix it, but I'm telling myself that it's not that big a deal and that I'll be ok - and so far I have been.