Tonight I am amazingly tired. I think this is from going to bed too late, and also because I stand up a lot on Thursdays.
I fell asleep sitting in front of the computer earlier this evening, then went and slept on my bed for 20-30 minutes. I have been very aware today that this sleepiness sparks an impulse to not be bothered eating well, and the tiredness tries to persuade me that I "deserve" a little sweet treat after working hard. I have been ignoring that thought. It was a thing I was aware of and knew I had to wait out. That was good. I had the sense that if I waited the tiredness would go and the impulses would go. The tiredness hasn't gone yet, but the impulses did.
After work, I did have a big snack before I shopped , and I'm sure that helped a lot. I don't think I have a good handle on what to eat for an afternoon snack yet. Today's was maybe too much. I had a slice of bread with some Vegemite on it, a handful of almonds, and a tub of yoghurt. The day's calories would be ok for weight loss at my current weight. Without detailing them, I'm not sure if they would be good enough for weight loss if I was already 26 kgs lighter.
After dinner I had the feeling my meal ought not be finished yet, but I just drank diet soft drink and waited and the feeling went. I think it's cool that it went away, even though I was watching tv and feeling so sleepy. Last time I lost weight I felt like those things were really hard to cope with and so I would avoid them. While I was gaining weight drowsy times and tv times, would be times I'd often eat mindlessly. At the moment, they are times when there's an issue, but it's ok.
Right now I'm in a battle with my 15yo son over what he wants to do on Saturday night. I think what he wants to do is dodgy, and also that it's wrong because he was told repeatedly reminded that we expected him to come with us to our girl's dance concert at that time. (Asking him to do what we're doing is like a 3-4 times a year thing. I don't think we're that hard on him. He's quite fixated on his other plans though. He wants to spend time with a girl he's keen on. So this is a new stress. I was ready to go straight to bed, when I found out more about it. My blood started charging around again of course. I am still sleepy though. Maybe if I go to bed I will fall asleep anyway, and get a better start on tomorrow. The early night possibility is gone, but it could at least not be too terribly late.
In short. I thought my food today was acceptable. Normal breakfast, skipped my mid-morning snack because I had yard duty, normal lunch, big afternoon snack, proper evening meal - nothing that don't think is ok to eat. I did aerobics for 20 minutes, I walked heaps while I was at work. No proper exercise before or after work though. I'm overtired. I let myself run out of water while I was outside for a long time at work today. Probably a 2/5 day? On the other hand, I'm up to Day 9 of eating properly. Between April and now, the most I actually managed was about 14 straight days of not eating rubbish. That14 days wasn't exactly great eating though, because I don't think I was eating enough. I was trying to kid myself that I could drop a bit of weight quickly and then start to eat properly. I don't know how I can be sooooo old and yet still let myself try that, when it has caused me problems so many, many times in the past.
At any rate, these aren't no stress times for me. I want to know that and remember it. These are times with plenty of stress, and plenty of mistakes, but I CAN get my food right anyway.
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